Homer at the Bat

Sorry for the intermission, dear readers. It's been a little bit of deep thinking, a little bit of traipsing into the bush (more awesome wildlife pictures to come!), and a lot of trying to get a license to practice law Down Under.

I'm having my own Mardi Gras (by myself!) here in Sydney today. Such a shame to see a whole country that has NO IDEA IT'S MARDI GRAS!!!! Don't worry, I'm prostelatizin'.

Anyhoo, some great stuff from Deadspin today in celebration of the 500th episode of The Simpsons, and specifically on the episode that made me a die-hard fan, Homer at the Bat. Lots of other good (Simpsons) stuff afoot too.

All this Simpsons talk reminds me of one of my consummate Portland moments. The one fact you need to know before reading is that Simpsons creator Matt Groenig grew up in Portland, Ore-gon (my adopted hometown). You ready, bra? Here goes:

For all the years I lived in Portland and all the fun stuff I did there, I will never forget my quest to find 742 Evergreen Terrace. I had ridden my bike up to the top of Nob Hill one Saturday morning -- that's the one you see in the background of the show's opening sequence when Bart cruises by on his skateboard. It's actually a mountain, a little over 1,000 feet above downtown Portland.

I was tired from the climb, and I knew satisfying this little goal of mine would give me a good excuse to head back down the hill without further work. So I zig-zagged my way down slowly through the steep streets. I stopped to check my GPS often, because I wasn't going to climb back up again if I passed it.

Eventually, I came upon Evergreen Terrace, a short dead-end street buried deep in the fir trees about half-way down the hill. I rode up the street checking the house numbers, but they were all five digits. They had been re-numbered years ago, and none ended in 42.

So I did what any idiot would do in this situation, I looked for a house that resembled the Simpson house. Not surprisingly, none did. After a couple of passes, I noticed a guy eyeing me while he raked his lawn. I went over to him and asked sheepishly, "Which one used to be 742?" He pointed two houses over.

It was a white split level. Like most of the other houses on the street, it was relatively modest with huge mature evergreen trees in the yard and a driveway on the side. It was probably a great buy 40 or 50 years because it was no doubt worth quite a bit of money now thanks to its amazing location close to downtown Portland in a quiet neighborhood with great views of the city. Still, it was essentially  a nondescript and middle-class home.

As I stood in the street straddling my bike and staring at the house, I imagined the real Homer mowing the lawn and the young Matt hoping on his skateboard for a ride down the hill to school.

An older lady came to the window and peered out. Mrs Groenig, I was sure. Matt's mom. AKA Marge! I waved excitedly, then suddenly felt foolish for gawking at this nice old person. I sped off down the hill, satisfied that I had found the real Simpsons' house.

Mutiny in Townsville

Townsville is a city in Queensland, about halfway up the Coral Sea coastline. During World War II, it was home to an American military base used to launch Pacific campaigns, including the Battle of the Coral Sea.

The Battle of the Coral Sea was critical to Allied success in the Pacific. It took place over a few days in the spring of 1942, so its 70th anniversary will soon be upon us. American and Australian naval forces fought together against Japanese naval forces, which were attempting to occupy the critical South Pacific ports of Port Moresby in New Guinea and Tulagi in the Solomon Islands. It was one of the first (if not the first) modern naval battles, in that the combatants' ships did not fire on one another. Instead, all of the combat, and ship-sinking, was done by carrier-based aircraft.

The battle itself was essentially a draw. Both sides lost some major ships, including aircraft carriers, before withdrawing. The Japanese were successful in taking over Tulagi but not Port Moresby. Most importantly, two Japanese fleet carriers involved in the Battle of the Coral Sea were unable to participate in the Battle of Midway, which contributed significantly to this decisive American victory against the Japanese and to America's eventual conquest of the Japanese-occupied Pacific.

The Battle of the Coral Sea was also critical to Australia's freedom from Japanese occupation. In the dark days of 1941 and 1942, Australians had little doubt that their resource-rich nation was next on the Japanese target list after New Guinea. And they were right. The presence of the US Navy in Australia, especially in the Battle of the Coral Sea, probably prevented a bloody battle for control of Australia between the Japanese and the Australians. Certainly the Australian military forces were no match for the Japanese forces, but I doubt the Australian people would have ever surrendered. Regardless, Australians remain grateful for America's help in repulsing the Japanese, and this is the foundation for the modern American-Australian alliance.

All of this is background for a very interesting story that appeared in this morning's ABC News. It seems that the US brought about 600 African-American soldiers to the American military base at Townsville. The soldiers were part of the US Army Corps of Engineers and were tasked with building airfields at the base.

Locals have long wondered why then-US Congressman Lyndon B Johnson took the unusual step of visiting the Townsville base in 1942. Rumors swirled, and it turns out they were true. An Australian historian, Ray Holyoak, has discovered documents proving that the African-American soldiers mutinied.

According to the story, in response to racial taunting (or worse), the African-American soldiers took control of machine guns and anti-aircraft guns and fired them into tents containing white officers. Over 700 rounds were fired, and "at least one person was killed and dozens severely injured." Australian troops were called in, and it seems that both mutineers and officers were later convicted of (military) crimes. You can read all about it here.

Apparently, an American journalist embedded at the base reported on the conflict, but of course the story was suppressed by both the Australian and American governments and never made it into the press. It looks like there are a lot more details about this story still to be learned, and I will be following it with great interest. I will also be interested to see whether this story makes it into the US media and, you know, if it gets anything close to the attention devoted to Katy Kardashian or whatever celebrity nonsense passes for news these days in the US.

Hawt, Part II

Gentlemen, Do you like model-esque blondes? Slender Asian women? Doe-eyed Indian women? Vivacious, vaguely ethnic brunettes? If you answered Yes to any or all of those questions, you will love Australia. They're all here, and pretty much everywhere. It's a good place to be a straight man, even if all you get to do is look. It's a little like Vancouver, BC, but with a lot less clothing. (Short shorts are in this summer!)

And before you ask: Yes, I am aware that my wife reads this blog. She's geogirl, one of the blog members over there to your right. (While I'm thinking of it, maybe you should join.) That's just how lucky I am. A lucky guy in the Lucky Country (where the geckos are paid to live in the sun). She gets an extra-special Valentines Day for letting me do this post.

Shaq is a man of his word

Earlier this year, Shaquille O'Neal and Jimmy Fallon played a basketball video game on Fallon's show. They bet on the outcome, with the loser condemned to walk two blocks in a pink bikini.

Fallon won, and this week during Fallon's Super Bowl show in Indianapolis, Shaq made his walk of shame. Check it out, it's pretty funny and not gratuitously gross.

What does this have to do with Australia? In Australia, men don't call walking two blocks in a bikini losing a bet, they call it "going to the beach."

BOO-YA!

PS: Thanks to the copyright Nazis, I'm not supposed to be able to watch Hulu in Australia. So I set my computer up in Oregon and I just squint real hard from here. (Wink.)

I can't ...

Some competition for Moonbeam Swingrich in the ironic hypocrisy department -- a new high.

The American religion

Hint: It's not Mormonism.

White wombats

Check out this picture in the Sydney Morning Herald of two very rare white wombats rescued in South Australia.

Wombats are pretty neat. Known as the "bulldozers of the bush," they are really stout and squat and they make prolific burrows. They are herbivorous marsupials, about the size of a small dog. They're pretty chill, unless you surprise or corner one, and then they can mess you up. They have backwards-facing pouches, which prevents dirt from getting in and suffocating the young while they are digging. And despite having fat little legs, they can run at up to 25 mph and maintain that speed for up to 90 seconds. The only time I can do that is when riding a bike downhill, and my legs are considerably longer.

But you know what makes the wombat really cool? Two things. First, their method of defense. They have an armored ass that is basically impenetrable. When attacked, they dive into their burrow head-first and let predators flail away back there. Second, and more to the point, they have square poo. Seriously.

Update: More great pics here.